The niqaabi letter box

Asalaamualaikum ladies, I hope you are all well, so I was interviewed recently by The new Arab on my experience being a British woman wearing the niqaab and my feelings towards the recent comments MP Boris Johnson made towards the niqaab so if you are interested in reading my interview then please check out the link below, my spoken word piece about this very topic was also published on their website, being a woman who speaks out against such ignorance and hate is really important to me so it was an honour for me to be a part of this piece and I would love to hear your thoughts.

https://www.alaraby.co.uk/english/society/2018/9/17/Dear-Boris-Johnson-Niqab-wearing-women-speak-out

Until next time Asalaamualaikum xxx

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An amazing dua list in English, Ramadan 2018.

Often when sitting down to make dua it can be quite difficult and overwhelming to think on the spot of all the important things we want to ask for, so here is a list of amazing duas in English I have found to be so useful in the last few years and so spiritually uplifting. May Allah swt accept our duas Ameen.

Ya Rahman, Ya Raheem, Ya Rabb al Alameen, I call upon You and I ask You by every Name that You have named Yourself with, revealed in Your Book, taught anyone of Your creation or kept unto Yourself in the knowledge of the unseen that is with You,

Allahumma salli wa sallim ‘alaa nabiyyinaa Muhammad…
Ya Raab, make me sincere in this dua.

Please grant me a death with the shahadah on my tongue. Grant me Husn al Dhan billah (good expectations from Allah)

Expand my grave for me and illuminate it with light

Preserve my record in Illiyeen

Lighten for me the questioning of the grave

Grant me death in a state of Ibadah, that is most pleasing to You and resurrect me in the same state

Keep me free from fear, anxiety and terror on the day of judgement

Grant my book in my right hand

Make me among those who show their books to others with happiness

Make me successful in the Meezan

Help me cross the Siraat like lightning

Ya Allah, please do not give away my good deeds to others

Reunite me with my family in Jannah

Do not expose my faults in front of others on the day of judgement

Ya Afu, Forgive the sins that I don’t remember and the sins that I didn’t even consider as sins

Grant me a heart filled with tranquillity and peace

Cleanse my heart from malice, jealousy, hatred, self-admiration, show off, envy, arrogance and pride

Grant me the ability to forgive others

Grant me soft speech, Ya Allah protect my tongue from lying, backbiting and hurting others

Grant me beautiful patience

Grant me with the correct Aqeedah, excellent memory and understanding of the deen with daleel

Bless my parents, forgive them, Grant them good health and make me a sadaqa jaariyah for them

Bless my siblings in their marriages. Bind us together with love. Do not let shayaateen break our bond.

Grant all the single Muslims the coolness of their eyes.

Grant us righteous children and make them a sadaqa jariyah for us
Oh Allah help me leave behind a legacy with humility, allow me to leave this dunya with the best legacies for our offsprings and for others to follow

Help me understand, write, speak and teach Arabic

Help me maintain good ties with my relatives

Help me see my faults, as well as take time out to self-reflect and please cover my sins and don’t expose me in front of others

Allow me to speak with wisdom just like the Prophet peace be upon him.

Bestow me with wealth to spend in your way

Do not let others humiliate/ oppress/ mock/ take advantage of me

Help me be courageous, confident and a positive person who makes the correct decisions at the right time

Grant me modesty in clothing and speech in front of non Mahrams

Forgive the Muslim ummah -the living and the dead. Bless the Muslims with goodness and grant victory to the oppressed. Fill our hearts with Eman.

Oh Allah, accept my deeds

Ya Allah, O my Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Raheem, Ya Kareem, Ya Sattar, Ya Gaffar, Ya Qaadir, Ya Sami, Ya Aleem, Al Mujeeb, Ya Allah I turn to you in repentance, in submission. I beg you please fulfill my duas.

Ya Allah Forgive my sins, a complete forgiveness that leaves no trace.

O Allah, You are Oft-Pardoning and You love to pardon, so pardon me.

Ya Allah Forgive my transgressions of Your Commands. Ya Allah Grant me victory over my shortcomings

Reform and upgrade me Ya Allah in the best way possible, in the way you know that is best for me.

Ya Allah Accept my duaas, ibaadah & deeds.

Ya Allah Guide me towards performing good accepted deeds for Your Sake only.

Ya Allah Help me to attain khushu’, ikhlaas and ihsaan in my ibaadah.

Ya Allah Help me get closer to you as my end draws near.

Ya Allah Make me love You, Your Prophet (peace be upon him), Your Deen, Your book the Quran, the way it deserves to be loved.

Ya Allah Increase my eeman, tawakkul, yaqeen in You.

Ya Allah Increase me in Taqwa,
Make me of your grateful slaves and amongst the patient ones.

Ya Allah Give me the strength to be steadfast throughout the trials I encounter now and in the future.

Ya Allah Grant me a soft heart & content with Your Laws.

Ya Allah Make the Quran be my companion in both worlds.

Ya Allah Guide me to the siraat mustaqeem until my last breath and don’t allow me to be involved in shirk, kufr or bid’ah.
Ya Allah make clear to me what is the haqq and what isn’t, keep me firm upon your Deen.

Ya Allah Make me among the muhsineen, muttaqeen the mukhliseen, the sabiqoon fil ilm.

Ya Allah Increase me in beneficial knowledge.

I ask of you what Muhammad peace be upon asked you of and I seek refuge in you from what the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon sought refuge from.

Ya Allah Protect me from sicknesses of the heart (envy, arrogance, proudness, show off)

Ya Allah Bless me with happiness in this dunya & akhirah, protect me from sadness, depression and anxiety.

Ya Allah Favour me with the ability to do tazkiyah of my soul throughout my life journey.

Ya Allah Remove the love of this world in its degrees & forms from my heart.

Ya Allah Invite me to Your House to worship You.

Ya Allah Grant me a good end, make me continuously love to meet You.

Ya Allah Make my grave & barzakh a peaceful, cool abode.

Ya Allah Grant me the Shade of your Arsh on Yawmul Qiyaamah.

Ya Allah Give me my record of deeds in my right hand and make my mizaan (scale) heavy with the good deeds.

Ya Allah Grant me the favour to drink from the Hawd Al Kawthar by our beloved Prophet’s (pbuh) hand.

Ya Allah Ease my crossing of the Siraat & Qantarah (bridges before Paradise).

Ya Allah Favour me the ultimate bliss of seeing You in Hereafter.

Ya Allah Shield, increase & protect the love/mercy/barakah between me & my spouse for as long as we live.

Ya Allah Improve our behaviour with each other.

Ya Allah Reward my spouse Your best reward for her/his striving for my family.

Ya Allah Make the Quran & Your Commands be our judge in all matters.

Ya Allah Strengthen our practice of the deen together.

Ya Allah Make us join together in bliss in Jannah al Firdaus.

Ya Allah, assist us with physical & emotional strength to be good parents & examples to our children.

Ya Allah Save our children from the impact of our mistakes in their lives.

Ya Allah Bless us with righteous children.

Ya Allah Make our children the coolness of our eyes and make them sawaab-e-jaariya for me & my spouse.

Ya Allah Make them of those who establish Salah and prostrate only to you.
Ya Allah make them Hufaadh, who act upon what they have memorised, and teach it to others. Ya Allah Make our children workers for Your Deen, da’ees, imaams, scholars and shaheeds.

Ya Allah Protect my family from evil, calamities, enviers & the shayaateen from man & jinn.

Ya Allah Protect our children from harm, sicknesses, disbelief, haraam and destruction.

Ya Allah Grant our children success in Deen, duniya & Aakhirah & grant us a lineage of righteous offspring until Yawm al Qiyaamah.

Ya Allah Unite our entire lineage in Jannah al Firdaus.

Ya Allah Make them become the reason for our place in Jannah & shield against the Hellfire.

Ya Allah save me & my entire family from the Hell Fire & make us enter Jannah al Firdaus Aa’laa without being accounted.

Ya Allah, you are Al Gaffaar. Forgive my parents.

Ya Allah Reward them in the greatest measures in this dunya & akhirah.

Ya Allah Elevate their ranks and grant them Jannah al Firdaus.

Ya Allah Make me coolness of their eyes in their old age.

Ya Allah Grant my siblings success in this dunya & akhirah.

Ya Allah Elevate the ranks of my parents, spouse’s parents, my sisters & brothers, my elders & entire Ummah.

Ya Allah Protect them from illnesses, diseases and difficulties of old age.

Ya Allah Forgive the sins of those who have passed away in my family & the Ummah – young & old.

Ya Allah Grant them a peaceful time in the barzakh till they meet You.

Ya Allah Save us from trials of Dajjal, Yujuj & Majuj & the last Day.

Ya Allah Grant my family & friends who are waiting for the gift of “children”.

Ya Allah Unite the hearts of my worldly companions who work for You & strengthen our brotherhood.

Ya Allah Unite the hearts of those undergoing family/marital difficulties.

Ya Allah Grant your perfect cure to those who are sick.

Ya Allah Protect my brothers & sisters across the warzones & from the persecution, rape, slaughter, humiliation.

Ya Allah Relieve their sufferings & elevate their ranks.

Ya Allah Bring the downfall of those (modern day pharaohs) oppressors &
Relieve those who are deprived, burdened, oppressed, in debt.

Ya Allah forgive me for anything I forgot to mention and give me more then what I intended in the dunya and in the aakhira.

Ya ALLAH bless the person who forwarded this beautiful dua and make this a source of sadaqa jaariah for them Aameen..

Allahumma salli wa sallim ‘alaa nabiyyinaa Muhammad…

Ya Allah, answer our Duaas You are the All Hearing, All Knowing! Aameen Ya Rabb.

Natural Organic skincare.

I am a great lover of organic and natural products whether it be in my food or my skincare, nothing feels more nourishing for my body and skin than simple, pure ingredients, and being mindful of what types of foods and ingredients I eat as well as place on my skin as much as I can, for me is a part of being God conscious, it makes me appreciate the natural pure ingredients that Allah swt has blessed us with and in turn is something I get great pleasure from.

I have an old fashioned belief that using chemicals or a fancy array of ingredients on my skin may make my skin look good temporary but I just personally worry if it will age the skin quicker and potentially in the long run be worse for the skin and I for one would like to grow old gracefully In’sha’allah. I used to suffer from very dry skin on my face and Alhamdullilah ever since I started making my own natural balm it really transformed my skin. I love how luxurious it feels on my skin and knowing that the ingredients are pure feels that much better.

Ingredients:

Raw unrefined organic shea butter (the base ingredient)

organic beeswax (use accordingly to how hard or soft you want the balm I use a generous amount as I prefer a slightly harder balm which melts in the hand)

Organic argan oil

Organic coconut oil

Organic sweet almond oil

Lavender essential oil ( I use 14 drops)

Method.

Boil some water in pot place a small steel clean sterilised bowl on top of the boiling water and place your beeswax inside the empty steel bowl until it melts then add your Shea butter until that too is melted, add the rest of your oils and essential oils and once mixed through pour into a sterilised clean container, and let it cool down, once it is cooled down you can place in into the fridge to let the balm harden.

This balm can be used on your face and or your body.

Ingredients for under eye balm.

Unrefined Shea butter, bees was, avocado oil, pomegranate oil, sweet almond oil. (All ingredients I used were organic).

Enjoy x

Until next time In’sha’Aallah.

Asalaamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

 

Don’t Judge Me They Say, For Only God Can Judge Me.

IMG_9584Dubai 2017

Social media has created a platform by which we have the means to expose our sins publicly and proudly, and we now have a generation of zombie ignorance to what the identity of a Muslim should really be. Everyone sugar coats everything these days because everyone is so sensitive, and I don’t think people realise how damaging this will be for our Akirah and if you don’t care now there is not a shadow of doubt in my mind that we will care in the hereafter.

The most beautiful comforting aspect of Islam is to read and learn about the love of Allah, but we Muslims are not idealists and as much as we should live life in remembrance of the love of Allah swt, Islam is also about the remembrance of the FEAR of Allah swt.

The issue of social media ignorance amongst the Muslims, is that we have people openly sinning in major acts of sin as if there is nothing wrong with it, with almost with an illusion of making haram look halal.

Every single person sins but those who sin and are aware of their sins, who acknowledge their sins and have the desire and intention to take steps towards change are amongst those have humility in their hearts but if you sin and are arrogant and ignorant and believe there is nothing wrong with your sins even though by the accordance of Islam you are most definitely sinning, and even if there are many advising you that this is a sin, then remember that Allah said, “Whosoever turns away from My Message, verily for him is a life narrowed down, and We shall raise him up blind on the Day of Judgement.” [Al-Qur’an 20:124]

I want you to reflect and think to yourself, this banner of, ‘Don’t judge me only God can judge me’, that many of us have been carrying on our shoulders, has this played a positive effect on the Muslims? Do we see people reflecting, improving becoming more god conscious? Or have we been witnessing people becoming less afraid to sin and less afraid to be shameless? Think to yourself have we been witnessing Muslims doing things now that we never saw the Muslims do 10-20 years ago and have we been witnessing Muslims caring less and less about respecting Islam?

Everyone sins and has weaknesses but we are living in a time where sinning is glorified, a person publicly displaying their sins on purpose for their own benefits will get a thousand supporters and those speaking the truth, the Haq are despised because we are all more scared of offending one another than we fear offending Allah swt.

Even something like a person posting a picture on Instagram which is clearly haram, whether the haram be from what the person is wearing in the picture, to what they are doing in the picture, many of us will not think twice to like that picture because it’s our friend, or someone we like, but even us liking that picture is us supporting that Haram, and not liking that picture does not mean you should dislike the person, far from that, but you should dislike the sin and it is our obligation as a Muslim to judge what is apparent and dislike the sin regardless of whether you sin differently, because by everyone saying you sin differently to me, so don’t judge my sins is why we have this epidemic of everyone publicly, proudly showcasing their sins to the world.

So now we have the general Muslims embracing each other’s sins by saying let them live their life, but this is not what Allah swt intended, will you ever be able to find such a statement from the Quran or Sunnah, and it is because of this we have more people changing for the worse, because social media has made every type of sin socially acceptable, it’s made things like taking of your clothes and exposing yourself something which is praised ‘wow you look like Kim K’.

It’s made hijabi sisters wearing skin tight clothing, with actual skin showing, with every inch of their curves on display something which is acceptable, and glorified.

It’s made sisters wearing niqabs think it’s appropriate for them to be seen in a shisha lounge with their niqab on regardless of whether they are smoking it or not, and don’t get me wrong sisters wearing hijabs doing the same are also just as bad.

It’s made sisters wearing niqab think they should be loud and over the top so that they look normal to make Islam look desirable.

How many sisters do we see now wearing turbans, exposing their necks, wearing hijab with half their hair out, and how many did we see doing that 10 years ago? It’s because it is praised and seen as the glorified way to wear hijab now and people will say, ‘But it’s helping sisters wear the hijab’, no it’s not. All it is doing is making sisters have more insecurities because now there are 50 different ways to style your hijab, and 50 different ways to look better in hijab.

So, because ‘she looks better with her fringe out than I do with my hair fully covered, and seeing as this is now an acceptable form of hijab in society, than let me start doing that to’.

Believe me sisters, we would still be wearing the hijab with or without this new turban and fringe our hijab style, please don’t belittle the power of Islam by claiming that it’s because of these new hijab styles more sisters are wearing the hijab, because Islam is so powerful and Allah is the Al-mighty, so we do not need modified, adapted versions of Islam for Islam to still be wide-spread.

Islam is unchanging, it is the word of Allah swt, which is why our Quran has remained the same for 1400 years which is unlike any other religion in the world. Islam was not meant to change to please the people. So, do not give yourself the authority to believe that your modified version of Islam will be more effective, Islam did not spread from one side of the earth to the other via this modified version of the deen, it spread with the truth, the undeniable truth of the Quran and Sunnah. So, stick it, do your best to stick to it, you will fall but that’s OK, get back up and work on it, do not be the sheep following the ignorance, do not become a social media Muslim, do not become this apologetic people pleasing, Instagram approving Muslim because by Allah there is not a doubt in my mind that we will live to regret it.

A final note, today we all came to hear of the passing of our brother Ali Banat May Allah swt shower His Rahma up on him, forgive his sins and grant him a home in Jannah Ameen. May his passing be a reminder to all of us on this blessed day of Ramadan that death is near and death is written for each and every one of us.

In’sha’Allah, until next time As-salamu ‘Alaykum wa-Raḥmatullāhi wa-Barakātuhu.

The Real Reason Behind Why I Wear The Niqaab.

There’s this strange concept that many people seem to believe that if a woman wears a niqaab she is now on a separate dimension to the rest of the Muslims, she must be perfect, the epitome of what a Muslim woman should be, she must ooze the fragrance of Jannah and if she is any less than ‘why is she even wearing that niqaab?’

When I first decided to wear the niqaab I had people say to me ‘but if you wear niqaab you can never take it off again isn’t that so hard’. I’m sorry I didn’t realise once you decide to wear the niqaab it becomes permanently glued to your face? Lol

The niqaab is merely an effort made by a Muslim woman to try and improve herself, because “every religion has a (distinct) characteristic and the characteristic of Islam is modesty.” (The Prophet saw – ibn maajah).

I didn’t choose to wear the niqaab when I felt I was perfect, far from that rather I wore it because I knew I was weak and in the hopes of improving as much as I could and I’m sure this is the case for every woman who decides to wear the niqaab.

So I am just a girl who loves her faith and is still on a journey in my faith, a journey that will only end upon the day I die.

For some, they believe the niqaab is fardh (obligatory – sinful if you don’t wear it) however I don’t follow that opinion. One of the reasons I decided to start wearing the niqaab was because I love wearing makeup, granted even when I do wear it unless I’m going to a party/wedding it’s fairly natural, but nonetheless makeup is still makeup and is most definitely a sin for a woman to wear it in front of non-mahram.

“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what must ordinarily appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers, or their brothers’ sons or their sisters’ sons, or their women or the servants whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex, and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O you Believers, turn you all together towards Allah, that you may attain Bliss”. (Qur’an Surat al-Nur, 24:31).

So I reached a point where I felt like this weakness I had wearing makeup was causing me to commit major sin, and holding me back in my faith so I felt it would be the best decision for me to observe the niqaab, because if I kept waiting for the day I would give up makeup completely I may be waiting a very long time.

What this meant for me is that I could still wear that bit of makeup on the days I felt like wearing makeup when going from A to B knowing that if I’m walking down the road and a man looks upon my face I am not committing a sin. If a sister wears no makeup and goes out and is covered in the correct hijab from what I believe then she is observing the correct modesty too.

So if a woman who wears niqaab, on a day where she is wearing no makeup at all doesn’t wear her niqaab, don’t be alarmed she hasn’t suddenly become a disbelieving woman, she is completely within her right to do so without committing any sin.

And if a woman only wants to wear niqaab only to certain places where she feels fitnah is rife, don’t be alarmed, because in fact she’s doing something desirable and recommended.

And if a woman who wears niqaab wears her niqaab from her house to the point where she reaches, for example, a restaurant to eat and takes off her niqaab to eat even if she has some makeup on underneath, don’t be alarmed no she is not a hypocrite but merely a believing woman who is on her own journey and is trying her very best, she could easily just not wear it at all, but is it not better that she covers her face from the 50 men she walked past to reach that restaurant rather than to not wear it at all because of what ‘the people may say’.

The fact that the sister is trying to wear it as much as she can, means she is trying a great deal and she is human just like everyone else.

So if you are a sister who wants to wear the niqaab please don’t put so much pressure on yourself that if you wear it, it must be glued to you at all times, if you make it difficult on yourself beyond your coping means you will end up disliking it, but if you let it be something which is purely between you and your Lord and don’t make it so hard on yourself, you will see just how beautiful and wonderful it can be and fall in love with it. Don’t worry for a second what people may say, or what people are expecting from you, you don’t wear it for the people, you and your Lord know your reasons and your struggle.

The niqaab should not be seen as something you do when you reach a certain elevated status, or that you have to have perfected your hijab to wear the niqaab, in today’s time where makeup is such a huge problem for even very practising sisters, the niqaab is an amazing way of trying to overcome that issue even if you only wear it to certain places or certain times, or even if you wear it only on days you feel strong enough to wear it, because it can benefit different sisters in different ways and any means of being able to reduce our sins even for a day for the sake of Allah swt is truly something amazing, and it could make all the difference to your scale of deeds in the hereafter.

The sad fact is a lot of people these days will defend women for wearing hijab in whatever manner they wish to wear it, regardless of how far from the essence of hijab their hijab is, but if a woman wearing niqaab does not fulfil their standards of what they believe wearing a niqaab is then she is less of a believer, and there lays the ultimate lack of education on the niqaab.

So if a woman who wears niqaab takes it off, don’t be alarmed, it was never glued to her face to begin with lol, she wears it when and where she can to the best of her ability for the sake of Allah swt.

May Allah swt make it easy upon every woman to observe the correct form of hijab and modesty Ameen.

Salaamualaikum my lovely sisters have a beautiful day and until next time In’sha’allah.

My First Year of Motherhood.

Salaamualaikum sisters, mothers, mothers to be and anyone who would just like to hear my experience of my first year in motherhood.

Alhamdullilah it’s been just over a year now that Allah swt has blessed me with the gift motherhood, there are so many things I have learnt about being a mother and things I have learnt about myself over this past year, and some of those things I plan to share below insha’Allah.

I want to start by saying that sisters motherhood is your own unique personal experience, so own it! embrace it! and make it yours! After I had given birth to my daughter along with this little bundle of joy came along a bundle of opinions and advice, and yes advice is most certainly needed after having a baby, there are so many things to learn, so many questions we have that mothers before us can help us with, but that does not mean the way another mother does something is the right way for you.

I remember clearly how overwhelmed I felt after having my baby, there were so many different ways, different books, different midwives giving different advice, your mother saying one thing, your mother in law saying another, aunty down the road saying something else and that article online saying something completely different, from breastfeeding, to how your baby should be sleeping, to what or how much your baby should be feeding, to how much your baby should be held and a whole heap more.

For me, it’s safe to say I did most things the more unconventional way to what I was told I should be doing, but guess what? The way I did things worked for me, helped me get through those sleepless nights, soothed my baby and me in those moments when we needed it the most and I wouldn’t go back and change it for anything because that’s my story, my experience as a mother, and I owned it, embraced it and loved it. Alhamdullilah.

So Let’s start with the topic of Breastfeeding. Oh now, this a topic in which I had a lot of wanted and unwanted advice thrown at me. All I went in knowing was that I wanted to breastfeed no matter what, I’ve always been the kind of person that can go into something new and learn fast, adapt and make it work for me, so a part of me thought breastfeeding wouldn’t be too difficult for me. However, I was unpleasantly proven wrong, to say the least! Getting my daughter to breastfeed was something I found so very difficult, she just would not latch no matter how hard I tried, I tried for hours and hours filled with tears, frustration, pain, being engorged, feeling defeated, feeling emotional, running to around 4 weeks of trying until one day my baby girl latched and continued to latch upon every feed until I was able to say ‘Alhamdullilah mg baby girl breastfeeding!!’ And any mother who has experienced difficulty getting their baby to latch knows just how much relief that moment brings when your baby finally learns to latch, Alhamdullilah.

In that time I had such a mixture of feelings and emotions. I had one side of certain people telling me I’m being silly for wanting to breastfeed her only, I’m making my baby to dependant on me, I’m making my own life difficult for no reason, why not just formula feed her? How will you ever go out if she’s breast-fed only? You will have no social life if she’s breast-fed only! Everyone mix feeds or formula feeds these days! To the other end of feeling like I was a failure if I wasn’t able to breastfeed, that there’s something wrong with me if I’m not able to breastfeed. There were so many times I felt like I would never be able to breastfeed my daughter the way I had always dreamed of and so many times I thought maybe I should just give up, but Alhamdullilah through the mercy of Allah swt, through dua and persistence I kept on going and I eventually just got the hang of it, and breastfeeding became completely second nature to me! Alhamdullilah.

I want to also add here for any sisters worrying that Breastfeeding will mean you won’t have a life, or a social life, from my honest experience I have three things to say on this, firstly breastfeeding solely is only for the first 5 to 6 months of your babies life! Your baby will then insha’Allah start on solids and will be able to go for much longer spaces of time without needing to breastfeed and the older your baby gets the longer those periods of time without baby needing to breastfeed will be, where you can leave your baby with a family member if it’s time away, or a day out to have some you time you desire.

Secondly, yes it will mean that you won’t be able to leave baby as easily and go out especially more so in the early stages but it’s so worth it, those amazing memories you will create, that special time you will have with your baby, and that feeling knowing that your baby relies on the food your body makes for its sustenance it’s a feeling like no other and without a doubt so very worth it.

And lastly for anyone that personally knows me, knows that even with a fully breastfed baby Alhamdullilah I have an amazing social life, (albeit Alhamdullilah a lot to do with amazing family members who are always happy to babysit and help out) I still see my girlfriends regularly, I still go out and do all the things I enjoy but the only difference is you adapt, do things at different times, schedule your day better, and for those that love you and want to still be around you, they will make the effort also to accommodate you, and you them, in’sha’Allah.

From this I want you sisters to take on that do what works for you! I highly advise breastfeeding if you able to, it is amazingly beneficial for your baby and you, and if your not able to for your own reasons, there are many options such as expressing your breast milk and feeding or formula feeding, or mix feeding, but if your someone that is strongly set on wanting to breastfeed only, even if your struggling and finding it hard, don’t give up!! Keep trying, keep going, and insha’Allah you will get there! Your not the mother that struggled with this and you won’t be last, and do not forget sister that for every single struggle you feel trying to breastfeed your child it may seem at that moment like a difficulty but if you think of the reward you are accumulating from Allah swt then that struggle is nothing but pure bliss and a mercy to you and a way for you to earn mountains of hasanat insha’Allah.

Now let’s talk about another hot topic, well actually il be covering two topics here and this one I got even more judgement and disapproving comments over, the debate on whether you let your baby cry them self to sleep and co-sleeping. For me personally, I was never able to do the cry it out method, I’m no way strong enough for that.

Which resulted in me being the type of mother who when my baby cries I tend to her straight away and so many times people, family, comments from others have made me feel like I should be ashamed to admit that, as if I’m being a bad mother and spoiling her, not letting her become independent by not being able to let her cry to sleep or for picking her up when she would cry in general, and the fact that I co-sleep with my baby well that just added to all the negative comments even more so.

Let me start by addressing the issue of baby independence, all I have to say is that if my newborn running up to her current age of age one is not ‘independent’ enough, that’s ok with me! Why is ‘independence’ seen as the be end and end all? Our society focuses so much on independence, how much independence a newborn has from its mother how much independence a mother has from her baby and if your both to attached to one another it’s almost seen as a bad thing. I’m not ashamed to say yes I held my baby practically on my chest all night long for the first 3-4 months of her life because it’s the only way she would sleep and the only way I could also get sleep, my daughter suffered from colic and indigestion – yes it’s true breast fed babies can still suffer from it too and it was the thing that soothed her the most and I don’t look back at it with any regret I only look back at how special it was having my child, my baby curled up on my chest heartbeat to heartbeat snuggling in the warmth.

Now co-sleeping, the beautiful topic that people love to make you feel like rubbish about, the number of times I’ve had someone; family or another tell me how bad it was that I co-sleep with my baby is not very few, to say the least! I didn’t choose to co-sleep it kind of just happened, like I said earlier, for the first 3-4 months my daughter slept predominately on my chest or strapped to me in my baby sling, so when her colic passed and she was able to sleep without being on my chest, because I was breastfeeding and she would wakeup for regular feeds having her in the bed with me made my life so much easier, it meant I was able to get a bit more of that much-needed sleep, I was so sleep deprived and life doesn’t stop once you have a baby, I still had house work to get on with, cooking for my husband, washing ironing his clothes, keeping the house clean along with the sleep deprivation and having a newborn to look after, being able to sleep next to my baby allowed me to get a better nights sleep rather than having to keep waking up to feed her and pat her back to sleep, she would lay next to me and I would breastfeed her laying down which meant I didn’t have to get up and completely break out of my sleep, and we still do this until today, and not only does it give us both better sleep, but I love it, I love having my warm cuddly baby next to me for cuddles and kisses through the night, I love breastfeeding her to sleep and falling asleep watching her feed, it works for us and I don’t see what the big deal is, why it’s seen as something wrong by so many.

Scientifically breast milk has a substance in it which has a soothing sleep-inducing effect on the baby, thus showing me that Allah swt gave women the ability to breastfeed to sleep as a mercy to women, to make our lives a little easier help us both get to sleep and at the same time bond with one another, if it works why fix it? In third world countries, poorer countries all women co-sleep it’s the norm, and I don’t see it having a negative effect on children there, all the women i know in my native country co-sleep as its the norm.

People have said to me if you co-sleep your baby wont be able to sleep without you, and whilst yes it will make your baby more dependant and more attached to you, I don’t feel that’s completely true at all, now that my daughter is older I put her to sleep in her cot and when she wakes up for her feed a few hours later, I bring her into my bed and she stays there for the remainder of our sleep, and bare in mind breast-feeding is only for two years if you wish to complete the full term.

‘Mothers may breastfeed their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period]. Upon the father is the mothers’ provision’ – [Surah Baqarah 2:233].

I do plan to move my daughter into her own bed completely once I stop breastfeeding, and il figure out then what works best for us and how to go about it, there’s no wrong or right way there is just the way that works for you.

Now I suppose what I really want to say and bring from this for you sisters is that I know how it felt when I first had my baby, when I didn’t know what was the right or best thing to do, when I heard so many different opinions and advice, there were so many times I felt like I was doing the wrong thing not because of what came naturally to me but because of how other people made me feel, or how I even made myself feel due to new mum insecurities and feeling like other mums around me are doing it differently to me, it made me feel upset, stressed out, worried that am the only one doing it this way but let me tell you something sisters do yourself a favour, and do not let that worry you or upset you! Do what works best for you! Just because another mother, even if it’s your mother, or another 10 mother seem to be doing things differently from you that doesn’t mean your doing it wrong, you know what works best for you and your baby and no baby is the same, being a new mum can be difficult so you don’t need the added stress of feeling like your doing it wrong because your not!

Get advice, ask other mothers around you when you need to, most of my friends have babies or had babies close to the time I did so it was such a help speaking to other mothers because a lot of the time it was nice knowing I wasn’t the only one dealing with this issue or another, but when it comes down to it, I did what worked for me, and I’m so glad.

When I first had my baby was that worried unsure new mum, but after a year of experiencing motherhood I’m so much more confident, proud of what I’ve achieved and I wouldn’t take back any of the choices I made, because that was my journey and my story to tell of my life as a Muslim mama, how I experienced it, owned it and embraced it!

So embrace it sisters, Jannah lies at the feet of mothers because your journey is an amazing one, your story is an amazing one that you will continue to tell till your old and a grandmother yourself one day if Allah swt wills you to live till then and insha’Allah with so many more moments and amazing memories to come.

Salaamualaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu!

Until next time my sisters insha’Allah 💛

The Same Yet So Different.

She sat on her bed with her back pressed up against her soft pillow and her knees pressed up against her chest.
Picking up a bar of her favourite chocolate, her choice of snack whenever she is feeling down but the chocolate didn’t taste as good as it usually does because of how empty she felt inside.
Wandering with an ache so deep in the pit of her stomach why this had to happen to her?
Why does she see women just like her every day in her situation?
The same yet so different.
They seem so happy.
Like they have everything they could ask for and more, while I sit here unhappy, depressed, unsatisfied and yearning for more.
‘What’s wrong with me?’.
‘What have I done to deserve this?’
‘Why did Allah have to put me through this?’ She asks out loud but there is no response.
Just the deafening silence.

Across the world, there is a girl the same yet so different.

She sits with her back pressed up against a hard wall, with her knees pressed up against her cold chest.
Thirsty she swallows her dry spit, her throat feeling coarse and sore.
She too has an ache so deep in the pit of her stomach, but her ache is from the pains of hunger.
She sits and wonders what it must be like for the woman who is just like her the same yet different sitting across the world, on her warm bed with food not only for sustenance but for pleasure.
She wonders how happy that woman must be that God placed her with the comfort of food, water and shelter.
She must be so happy, so satisfied, never needing more.
She places her head against her knees and closes her eyes and asks,
‘O sister of mine across the world I wonder do you think of me as I think of you?’

But there is no response just the deafening silence.

cropped-photo.jpgBOURNEMOUTH, 2017.